people think ‘no children’ by the mountain goats is exclusively about a bitter divorce but i think a compelling reading is the relationship between you and your randomly assigned project partner in a college class
like it’s due tomorrow and you haven’t added your part to the doc or replied to my texts for a week. i do hope you die. i hope we both die.
“I hate when the skeletons on decorations aren’t anatomically accurate.” A Halloween skeleton isn’t the same as what’s inside you, idiot. It’s different. A Halloween skeleton is, like. A guy or something. It’s an animal.
If Halloween skeletons had bones like ours instead of hollow bones like that of a bird, they wouldn’t be able to play their ribcages like xylophones. You sound so fucking uneducated right now.
when i was a kid there was this guy in my neighborhood named Jerry. he was 100 years old for my entire childhood. his house was up on a hill and he had a big porch he sat on all day from sun up to sundown. his front door was always open if it wasn’t too cold out and there was a big old fridge/freezer right inside where he kept orange crush in glass bottles and freeze-pops.
kids were allowed to walk right into his house and get treats from the fridge but the rule is we had to sit on the porch while we ate the popsicles or drank the pop and this is how he got us to listen to him talk about random stuff all day.
if parents needed to find us bc we failed to come home when we were supposed to they called him and he could send other kids out looking for us. it’d be like in the creek some other 8 year old would tell you “hey your mom called Jerry. youre supposed to be home.”
if you were home sick from school and your parents worked he’d watch you for free & everyone looked out for him. i spent a lot of days napping on his couch when i was little.
idk i know i couldn’t be a full-time parent so that’s my ideal role in a community one day. old guy babysitter with a porch.
watching Practical Magic for the first time, and despite the low Rotten Tomatoes score, I do think “drugged my sister’s violently abusive boyfriend to subdue him, but accidentally killed him > panicked and resurrected him with witchcraft to avoid jail time > he woke up and was still violently abusive, so I killed him again” is an objectively hilarious premise
The exception is cheesy local commercials. Those should be the only ads. I will listen to someone who runs a store in my city doing an awkward rap. We once had a furniture store with these awful CGI ads and the slogan “where the deals are so low, it’s almost criminal!” and then they got shut down, by the cops, because it turned out. It turned out the deals were so low because. You’re not going to believe this but the prices were so low it was in fact
